I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
