she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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