I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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