Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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