What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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