sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
