he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
