he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
What drink are we having for lunch?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
