just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
