So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
