Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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