My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
