this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
