i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
