hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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