saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
