He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
