I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
