two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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