my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize