some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
