Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
