His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
