Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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