her facebook's as public as her vagina
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
