I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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