A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
