i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
its liver damage thursday
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
