Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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