Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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