Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
