i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
