Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
