is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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