Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
