I think my fart just growled at me.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
