I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
