Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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