just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
