I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize