i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
