Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
