wakey wakey hands off snakey
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
