This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
