please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
