I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
