Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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