dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
