i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
