Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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