I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
