we're blogging at a bar
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
