I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
