what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
