the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
