I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
