What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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