erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
