Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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