Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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