Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize