i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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