if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
