Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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