and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
