Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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