I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
