I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
