okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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