Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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