He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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