i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
