I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
