is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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