dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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