I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
