Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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