But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
