Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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