i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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