Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
