i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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