Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
