using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
