now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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