we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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