have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
and you fell through a lawn chair
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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