If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
