woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
