my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
