Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Randomize
