Are we in a gay sports bar?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
