super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
