Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
